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Saturday, June 12th 2004

12:37 PM

Meanderings for today - part 2

Last week, I took the plunge to go no sugar/white flour/breads, pastas, etc. I actually made it through the part where you feel awful and began feeling awesome by Thursday. I felt like I could actually enjoy life again and enjoy it without the food I can't eat. I was coming up with yummy, healthy meals, snacks and drinks. Then Friday happened.

Friday was day 1 of the yard sale and two of my little ones and the son of my friend (who was having the yard sale with me) were selling cookies! I resisted all morning and then as I got busy, got hot, got tired...I weakened and ate one followed by another and another...lets just say...the total for the weekend ain't purty! I binged on cookies!

I am thankful that weight isn't an issue but the sugar took its tole. My cravings went through the roof and I caved this week. Hubby went shopping and wanted to try and experiment with allowing some sugar and limiting it and stuff. Well, I knew it wouldn't work...an addiction is an addiction. It would be like telling an alcoholic to only drink one drink a day and then make sure you eat and drink healthy the rest of the day. Might sound fine in theory but it doesn't account for the addiction....the all consuming DESIRE and NEED for more. I have had a ton of sugar and I feel HORRIBLE! I am so very disappointed in myself and how weak my character/will is.

As a Christian, this is especially important because I have access to the solution...I simply choose to not obey Him! Arg. God is more than able to help me overcome and all He is asking is that I simply obey and surrender it to Him. But I hang on for dear life and allow my flesh to have its way. It is ugly. This week, I had a wake up call. Bob and I were at odds once or twice and I felt like a whipped puppy with my tail between my legs.

I took some time to think about my life and I again didn't like what I saw. Me in control, screwing things up and doing things for the wrong reasons. The scripture about serving two masters came to mind. I cannot serve both God and my flesh. I have been serving my flesh. I have also grown up trying to please other people...mostly those that matter most to me...and I burned out on that this week. Something snapped inside and I realized to keep going this way is to lose my purpose in life...to lose myself completely.

My husband and I talked and I shared this stuff with him. He said his biggest frustration is that I don't finish what I start. He is right. I rarely finish what I start. I have started writing novels, books, articles, etc. and have not finished or brought them to publication. I have started home educating and have not been consistent. More of a in spurts type of thing. (I have about two months to change this or we are done). I have started different household systems and quit them one by one instead of sticking to one and slowly customizing it to fit us. I really could go on but you get the picture.

The most important area I have come to realize is that I do this spiritually, too. I begin a spiritual discipline or study or process and when it gets a little hard or something...I quit when what I need to do is push through it so that God can do that work in me which will bring about the change I so desperately want.

For example: I know I am to eat healthier because I cannot be as effective in what God has called me to do unless my mind is clear and I am not dragging around. So when I reach that point of quitting...I need to push through it...get on my knees and cry out to Him to help me not give into temptation...but to obey what He is asking...it is there that I will be able to lay it at the cross and die to my flesh. It is there I will begin to experience His LIFE!

So...where does that leave me? It leaves me again with the choice...whom will I serve? Will I continue to serve my flesh which is choosing death or will I choose to serve God and LIVE? I have squeeked by in life knowing I am saved, but only really having a nodding acquaintance with my Heavenly Father! I have disrespected and dishonored Him. He is The King! Creator of the Universe and my Lord! I choose this day to be a slave for Christ. I choose to be His humble servant.

I am not worthy to even be in His presence, but I will kneel before Him and annoint His feet with my tears and wipe them with my hair. I choose to be on my face before Him and I will love Him through my obedience. Praise God that He loves me and doesn't ever give up on me, but draws me ever to His embrace.

Whom do you choose to serve this day?

7 More Meandering Minds.

Posted by Peggy:

Oops, it cut short. Was just saying that if you read on it gives the curses for disobedience. Might good reading! Some pretty heavy stuff!
Sunday, June 13th 2004 @ 10:54 PM

Posted by Peggy:

I found it Audra, here it is:
Blessings for Obedience
Deuteronomy 28

1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. 2 All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God: 3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock-the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.

7 The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.
8 The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.
9 The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. 10 Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD , and they will fear you. 11 The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity-in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground-in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.
12 The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. 13 The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. 14 Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.
If you read on, i
Sunday, June 13th 2004 @ 10:53 PM

Posted by Audra:

Thanks for the encouragement.
Sunday, June 13th 2004 @ 11:58 AM

Posted by Tiff:

I have the same problem sticking to things. It's hard to accomplish but I have faith that you can do it.
Sunday, June 13th 2004 @ 10:30 AM

Posted by Audra:

Thanks Miranda. I am glad I made you ponder. Peggy, I don't think I know that one, if you find it, can you let me know where it is? SOunds like a good one to study.
Sunday, June 13th 2004 @ 7:32 AM

Posted by Peggy:

Great post Audra.
I've been struggling with inconsistency in a ton of area's as well. Obedience mostly, it covers a whole multitude of things in my life. lol The one scripture that keeps coming to me though, and I remind myself of when I am feeling weak is "Obedience commands a blessing". Don't ask me where it is, I guess I should look it up! I keep reminding myself that God doesn't want me to be obedient just because "He says so" but because through that obedience, I will be blessed, and most of all, so will my family!
Saturday, June 12th 2004 @ 10:16 PM

Posted by miranda:

Whoa, now I got alot to think about!thank-you for sharing so open.
Saturday, June 12th 2004 @ 8:57 PM

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