My addiction? Sugar. I know some of you are probably thinking...nice addiction! It isn't. I have hypoglycemia and when I have sugar or white flour or simple carbs or starchy foods, my body can't process it well. My body signals that there is way too much blood sugar which activates my insulin. However, my body produces too much insulin which drops my blood sugar levels really low. The result? My brain isn't getting the fuel it needs from the low glucose (sugar) levels in my blood and it causes a host of problems. I have trouble thinking clearly, making decisions, and processing information. I have huge mood swings and get depressed. When my sugar is off, I get allergies, insomnia, feel drugged, can't stay awake during the day, body hurts, and a few other symptoms.
Knowing how badly this affects me, you would think it would be easy to quit having those things that make life so miserable. But like an addict, I have to have more. I get a temporary high off of the raised blood sugar before I crash. I can literaly smell something sweet from a good distance away. When I try to cut it out of my diet, I go through withdrawels. All of my symptoms are magnified and I have nightmares. It takes about five-seven days to get through the withdrawel period. Usually about day four your are hitting rock bottom.
Why am I telling you all of this? One to educate you. Our food (here in America) is so sugar laden that we have many people who suffer from diabetes, hypoglycemia, weight issues, etc. It causes so many health problems. It also causes depression, thoughts of suicide, violent swings, etc. Google hypoglycemia and check out the symptoms...you may be surprised that you or someone close to you has it.
Secondly, I am sharing this because I have been struggling really bad over the past several months. I have slowly sunk lower and lower. I have been depressed and felt such dispair. My family has had to deal with my moods. My family also has varying degrees of sugar sensitivity as well. Yesterday, I did some soul searching. Well, after a fiasco with my hubby. We had gone out to lunch because I had needed time alone with him, but I couldn't figure out how to ask for his help when I really didn't even know how he could help. Lunch went well, but I was still gloomy and sad.
Then we stopped at Walmart for what was supposed to be simply grabbing a vacuum cleaner belt. They didn't have our brand plus our vacuum was falling apart so Bob decided to get a new one. I wasn't happy with the one he chose and argued with him. It got rather heated and all over an appliance. He was so mad that I had ruined lunch and I was so mad that he had gotten that particular vacuum instead of letting me choose. I was also extremely mad at myself that it mattered that much. I knew I was being selfish and downright ugly about it.
When we got to his work, I wanted to make peace, but he was too mad still (and rightly so). He told me to carry my 'self' home and I figured he could kiss my 'self' and left. Yes, I am a Christian and I was letting my sinful nature run rampant, yesterday. It was dishonoring to God and to my hubby and to myself as well. I headed in the direction of home, but went straight when I should have turned.
Jake and I headed out of town and I drove almost an hour before I remember Bob had mentioned needing to check out the transmission and I thought maybe I should turn around so that Jake and I wouldn't get stuck somewhere in the middle of nowhere. When I got back to town, I went to the park with Jake and we sat on the grass. I thought about what I wanted most and simply put: God, my husband and my children...nothing else matters (including a vacuum cleaner). I want to be a wife and mom that my family is proud of and happy to be around. Everything else pales in comparison and if in the right balance...serves to enhance those relationships not replace or hinder them.
Last night, Bob and I talked and he said I had to choose which was more important: my family or sugar. He understands how hard it is to break an addiction and although he doesn't know enough to help...he has agreed to go and listen to the Naturopath with me. He also told me to toss out all the things I can't have (for that matter neither can my children).
I am making the choice and I choose my family. Today, I will be throwing the wrong food items out and making a grocery list and finding some recipes that will be okay for me to eat. I will be journaling here as I go through the withdrawel process. It is going to be so incredibly tough, but with God's strength and the support of my hubby...I will overcome. I have to for my family. My poor children suffer with this as well...especially my oldest and all of us will be happy and feel better when I switch us over.
God gave me victory in my anorexia last year...this year I want victory in managing my hypoglycemia.