I seem to possess this really weird gift for injuring myself in bed. And I am not talking about sex here (yes, Christians can say sex...God created it and I for one thank Him often)...hey where ya going? Okay, now that half of my readers left because there isn't any sex, well there is, just not in my blog. Anyway, back to my point: this gift I have...although I don't find it a gift...maybe a curse.
As I am lying there on my back, sleeping blissfully, I am suddenly awakened by this sharp pop in my neck. I now have to figure out how to move and the pain is so intense. I usually manage to get up and take some Advil and all, but I don't get much sleep nor do I function until I can get to a chiropractor or manage to get my neck back in place. Now, picture this:...
The phone rings:
"Hi, Audra, how's your day going?"
"Well, I injured my neck and I'm in quite a bit of pain at the moment."
"Oh my gosh, are you okay? What happened?"
"I uh...well...umm...I...uh hurt it while I was sleeping in bed." (The last bit is mumbled and said as quickly as I can)
All sympathy is gone. I mean really...what kind of idiot suffers a neck injury from SLEEPING!!! This idiot. Although the original injury did occur out of bed...I was skiing and....just kidding. Actually, I was ummm...well...uh...hehe...I was painting.
Yup, I sustained the original injury while PAINTING! I was painting the trim overhead and well...ya know how the neck curves? Somehow I got what the doctors call: a kink lol. I got a kink in the neck which has now become a pain in the neck. So my neck can easily kink now and sometimes it can pull my shoulder out of the socket...I am unique...let me tell you.
Another injury I have sustained in bed was while I was...why am I telling this anyway? Ok...I was reading...yup...strained my finger. Hey, those books can be hard to hold open for hours at a time ya know. Come on...give me a break would ya. Hey...no laughing...really...I could hardly type the next day.
Anyway, I am sharing this because last night I sustained yet another type of injury. I was sleeping peacefully and Bob came in to use the bathroom. I woke up and figured I might as well do the same since I was awake. While I waited, I crawled to the foot of the bed and played with Harley, one of our pups. Since I am an equal opportunity pet owner, I rolled over to pet Davey, our other pup and OUCH!
Man it hurt. Felt like a stinging pain in my jaw. I got up real quick and turned on the hall light and my suspicions were confirmed...I had been stung by a yellow jacket!! In bed!! At one in the morning! HELLO! What the heck is a bee doing sharing my bed! I mean really, bee stings should occur outside during the day (don't they sleep in their nests at night?) so I have the opportunity to defend myself as I usually do: by screaming and running like mad flailing my arms and yelling about why God made these things anyway. My method, although it amuses my husband greatly (especially when I trip myself), works because until last night, I haven't been stung since I was a child!
So there you have it...sleeping is hazardess...laying in bed can cause injuries...it is a good thing only 1/3 of one's life is spent in bed!! I am thinking about cutting down on my usual 8-10 hours of sleep (depending on how much Jake lets me get) and going with an even 7 hours...less chance for hurting myself. And if Bob wants me to uh 'snuggle', I will be going in with protection (I crack myself up) and with my eyes wide open (no guarentees they will stay open the whole time).
Oh and one little disclaimer...if talking about sex in a non-explicit manner offends you...you may not enjoy Song of Solomon.
Oh and one more thing: Thank you, Lord, for keeping my face from swelling up like it did when I had my wisdom teeth pulled out. Now THAT was scary.